fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i drank out of a bidet.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
