I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
