he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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