I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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