Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
