I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
