did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
