this boner is exhausting
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
