I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
