Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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