The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
