Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
