yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
