yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
