to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
