I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
