God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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