rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
