guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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