Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
