He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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