uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
