if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
