I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
