If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
