If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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