North Korea, Best Korea!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Randomize
