I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
