dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
where does the pee come out of this thing
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
