you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
