He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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