how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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