there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
