when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
