I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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