you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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