I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Randomize