So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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