got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
