I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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