She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
