So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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