it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
