Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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