Just fell off a train. Bad.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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