they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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