OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
