I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
