So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
