Soap is not a condiment
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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