aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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