I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
