Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize