If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
