i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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