Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize