the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize