Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
