3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
