just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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