haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
