allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just blew my weed a kiss
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
