She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
