he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
