Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
