I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
