I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
