Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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