Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize