apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
