I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
