College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
