hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My cat gives me a boner
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
