i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
