Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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