Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it because I queefed?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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