i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We left an ass print on the piano.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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