I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
