what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
