You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
