Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
