I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i drank out of a bidet.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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