i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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