remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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