The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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