He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So vagazzling was a success
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
