I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
