My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
