If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
