He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
